Sunday, November 12, 2006

The Steak Burns Ben's Stomach Lining

This week I had my first ever case of violent food poisoning! hurrah!

Ironically, it was not Chinese, but Western (okay, a Chinese version thereof) that caused me to spend Tuesday night/Wednesday morning curled up in a ball wanting to die.

Having trounced Fred with my awesome bowling skills, I decided to order a victory steak at the  'European-style' restaurant, attached to the Bowling Alley. Though I was taken in by the kitschy decor and hot pink mood lighting,  the first sign that all was not well, was the inclusion on the menu of these delicacies, under the heading "Gold Medal Arder Snack":

- Rice Lante Type Chicken Cartilage
- Fragrant Spicy Squid Fingernail
- The Spiced Salt Burns the Ducks Tongue
- The Bamboo Slip Lives Burns the Shrimp

Though I was curious to see exactly what a Squid's Fingernail looked like, I went for a traditional Rib-eye, with chips and salad. A safe option one would think, in a menu detailing various ways to torture ducks. But no, oooooohhhhh no.

What arrived on my plate resembled steak somewhat, and even had a fried egg on the side to act as a corroborating witness. One bite however made it clear that all was not well. The consistency was best described as 'squishy' and the taste was not particularly steakesque. I'm pretty sure it was deep fried too. I had two bites. Two bites too many.

I was home, in bed, about an hour later. I managed about half an hour of sweaty stomach grabbing 'sleep' before spending the next few hours in the bathroom, acquainting myself with some of the finer details of the tile grouting, while my digestive tract turned itself inside out.

Gee Ben! What a great story!

On a non-gastrointestinal note, the other day in class I was doing an exercise around designing a Tourist Brochure for China. One of the questions was "What are five things that every foreigner should remember to bring to China?"

One student (maybe 18 years old) gave me this answer:

CAPITAL
CAPITAL
CAPITAL
CAPITAL
CAPITAL


they grow up so quick...


4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Lol, very funny. Don't order a rib-eye in some obscure town of China I think is the lesson learned.
- Koko

Anonymous said...

Ben,

Sorry to hear about your night, though it does provide a few laughs...only because I can say from experience that ending up in the bathroom for hours at a time isn't a deviation from the norm when living in China.
Just wanted to let you know that my friend Sean and I have been reading your blog quite regularly and absolutely love the insights, keep it up man.

-Steve

Ma said...

Oh my poor baby!!! Had to happen sooner or later huh?? Hope all is well now. Not a good way to lose weight. Luv ya.
Ma

Ezra and Emily said...

Wow. It seems ironic that you got your first case of food poisoning from a "western meal" of steak, although that title... well. Especially after eating that suid thing. Anyways, all exciting stuff. Keep up the great work ;).