Monday, September 18, 2006

Duck and Cover

Music: Against Me! - Those Anarcho-Punks are Mysterious! (Live in London)
Astrological Alignment: Fortuitous. I assume.

Well, for the last half an hour, I've been serenaded by the dulcet tones of 5 or 6 air raid sirens of various pitch at a volume sufficient to blanket the whole city in a symphony of wooooOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooohhhhhs.

I went outside to see if the apocalypse was nigh, but everyone seemed to be getting on with business as usual. I guess I can safely assume that hordes of North Koreans aren't swarming over the border towards us, and that those Imperialist American pigs haven't dropped the ol H-Bomb on Beijing yet.

I'm sure it was just a drill of sorts to keep the people ready for the aforementioned eventualities. Grab yer pitchforks an' all that.

I'm now a member and the official freakshow of the 'Blue Swallow' gymnasium (keep your smutty jokes to yourselves) where the locals can now be treated to such sights as:

"Watch the big white guy sweat!" (the chinese aren't really sweaters)
"Watch the big white guy gasping for breath!"
"Steal the treadmill that the big white guy was about to use!"
"Sit on a weight-bench and stare at the big white guy throughout his entire weight routine!"
"Listen to the big white guy cursing under his breath in that craaaaaazy language of his!"

And that old Chinese favourite:

Say "Hello!" to the big white guy, then collapse in fits of laughter when he replies.

Good times. No pictures today because I'm lazy.

All comments to include smutty jokes.

5 comments:

blarsen said...

Finally got round to working out how this whole blog thing works, nice work.

Whats better than eating a mandarin?

Eating amanda out.

Haha fuckin ha.

Some nice visuals, looks quite clean, i thought it was gonna be a grimey shit hole. You must be stoked. Weve made it out of Melbourne, although it was close. I almost lost several teeth in a highspeed skateboarding incident early sunday morning. Might be a struggle to keep up with your blog up North, im not sure if our local exchange will be broadband capable but well do our best.

Ok, juice time.

Reggie Fucken Arcade said...

Do they still have nets tied between the buildings in the city? You know, to catch those disease ridden sparrows?

I like the look of China so far. Especially that sweet bike (Is that spagnum moss is the back of it? I thought that particular area of China would be far to dry for spagnum moss to grow. There is much I still have to learn.)

Oh, and the foriegner you mentioned, was it Fred? If Fred starts acting wierd, well, just watch out. I hear western foriegners in Asian countries can become victim to a mental condition called 'White Death' in which they become jealous that other whiteys are more popular amongst the locals. They will do anything to climb the white hierachy, or become the only white in a particular town or city.

Anyway.

Q. Whats better the eating a mandarin?

A. Eating Amanda out.

Reggie Fucken Arcade said...

Do they still have nets tied between the buildings in the city? You know, to catch those disease ridden sparrows?

I like the look of China so far. Especially that sweet bike (Is that spagnum moss is the back of it? I thought that particular area of China would be far to dry for spagnum moss to grow. There is much I still have to learn.)

Oh, and the foriegner you mentioned, was it Fred? If Fred starts acting wierd, well, just watch out. I hear western foriegners in Asian countries can become victim to a mental condition called 'White Death' in which they become jealous that other whiteys are more popular amongst the locals. They will do anything to climb the white hierachy, or become the only white in a particular town or city.

Anyway.

Q. Whats better the eating a mandarin?

A. Eating Amanda out.

Ben S - уге said...

okay reggie.

1: that joke already got made.
2: Fred, being black, is probably immune to your 'white death'.

I'm no expert on sphagnum, or its water requirements, and I haven't seen any diseased sparrow nets as yet.

Reggie Fucken Arcade said...

All your fans are eagerly awaiting a new Blog.

I saw my boss picking through his shit and re-eating all the bits of corn he found. He let me go home early if I kept if secret.